A Rose For Oscie

My perfect mate is also An Ideal Husband author, Oscar Wilde. Oscie, as I’ve affectionately nicknamed him, is a perfect example of the type of man to which his play’s name alludes.
If Oscie knew me, I am almost certain we would be best friends. He is notorious for his witty dialogues, so conversation would never be dull. Furthermore, I already know that I can appreciate his social circle: Bram Stoker, Henry Irving, Walt Whitman, and Henry James, to name a few. We also share similar interests: writing, men, fashion, theatre and beauty. Oscie’s appreciation of the aesthetic qualities of life, as well as his exceptional fashion sense would undoubtedly land him on the cover of GQ magazine, and I have always been attracted to GQ models.
Ordinarily, I prefer men who are not only my best friend, but also who have good credit history and job stability. However, Oscie’s literary success allows for some flexibility of these requirements. A writer from this century is not ideal because he would offer no financial security. Oscie, on the other hand, has an established writing career, which provides him with the type of stability I look for in a man.
The aforementioned traits make Oscie a wonderful mate; however his Irish upbringing and last name make him the ideal mate. I have always wanted to go to Ireland, which is, conveniently, Oscie’s birthplace. Also, if we were to marry, my name would be Jamie Wilde, and there are, arguably, few names better than that. Oscie, to my knowledge, is not allergic to dogs. As an avid dog lover, myself, that is the icing on the cake.
On our perfect first date, Oscie and I would take a long ride in his carriage. We would read our poetry to each other and engage in witty political debates. Afterwards, we might take a long ride on horseback through the Irish countryside.
Essentially, the only thing Oscar Wilde lacks is a pulse, and that, unfortunately, is an insurmountable obstacle. Thus, the only logical solution is to name my future child Dorian, in honor of the father he should have had.